Nadia … it’s Grandma. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come with Mommy & Daddy to your memorial service. I know you know that Grandma thinks about you often, but maybe I should tell Mommy, huh? Grandma doesn’t get on the computer much and Mommy and I don’t have much time to talk about her personal stuff. Mommy has been real strong in stepping up to the plate and helping with Aunt Johnna and Uncle Dan, so usually if Mommy and I have time together, it has to do with something else. Plus, she usually tries to keep stuff from Grandma because she doesn’t want to add to Grandma’s stress. Then, another problem is Grandma has trouble expressing her personal feelings; it’s always my experience if you let go, it’s hard to get control again so I’m usually pretty quiet about things that are close to my heart. One of those things is you. Holding you in the hospital, I thought my heart would break in two. You were so tiny and so precious. I had to go out in the hallway and have a power cry before I went back to your Mom. I wanted to be strong for her – and still do. The fine line is I want her to be able to lean on me and know that I’m strong, so I try to do that; but I think sometimes my being stoic around her makes her think I don’t care. Your Mommy is never alone; not only does she have God and his angels caring for her, she has Grandma and Aunt Johnna, Daddy and Uncle Dan, and probably a lot more people Grandma doesn’t even know about. The problem is, most of us are so busy with other stuff, we forget to TELL Mommy (or show her) that we care about her and about you.

I must admit that I don’t know how all of dying and heaven and meeting again works, and I’m not supposed to know. But I DO know that God loves all of us; that He works in mysterious ways; that everything works to the good for those who love Him; that He never leaves us or forsakes us when we are His; and that there is, without a doubt, a Heaven where He waits for all of those who love Him. So, I’m planning to hold you again one day and I’ll always hold you in my heart. In the meantime, I’ll try to hold Mommy for you more often and let her know that you and I are close and that you don’t want her to grieve so much. Be a good girl; watch for us … we’ll see you in the sunshine. Love, Grandma